Every coach has their own unique style and approach. Here are a few core tenets of my approach to coaching so you can assess whether we might be a good fit for each other.
Adaptive
Many coaches offer their clients a well-established, defined, often linear system for change or growth. These systems can relate to something concrete like marketing or weight loss. But they can also relate to something less concrete like well-being, mindset, purpose, etc.
I do not take this approach. I certainly have several exercises that I take clients through when helpful. And I have a whole emerging philosophy around purpose that I sometimes bring into the fold if relevant. But more often than not, coaching with me is mostly devoid of any obvious, stable system or consistent approach.
I strive for my coaching to be highly flexible and adaptive. It changes depending on where you are in your life and what you’re looking for. If you need help setting goals, we will set strategic, realistic goals that help you get where you want to go. If you need help staying accountable to your goals, we will create a stronger incentive for you to follow through on what you’ve said you will do. If you need help cultivating more work-life balance, we will cultivate practices that help even the scales. If you need help warding off a sense of despair and hopelessness about the state of the world, we will work on holding today’s reality from a different perspective. If you simply need some human connection, we can just connect as humans – no “coaching” whatsoever.
The work we do is informed first and foremost by whatever best supports you. You don’t adapt to me and my system. I adapt to you.
Simple
Sometimes what clients need is something quite practical and concrete: goals, accountability, practices, tools, etc. But I find that more often than not, people already have the knowledge and discipline they need. What most holds them back in their lives and careers is the unconscious beliefs they adopted as children and that still run their lives. Often, a client will have what we might call a “core limiting belief.” This is the whopper, untrue story about themselves or the world that stands between them and living the life they most want for themselves. For example, a core limiting belief might be:
- “I don’t know.”
- “This isn’t it.”
- “I can’t do it.”
- “I’m an idiot.”
- “People are idiots.”
Usually, if you are not following through on some big project in your life or not able to cultivate the types of relationships or career you want, it’s because a limiting belief like this is holding you back.
The goal of coaching then becomes quite simple. We bring these unconscious, shadow beliefs into the light. We talk through whatever tangible situation is most relevant in your life, going deeper and deeper until we get to the very roots of your disempowered relationship with it. We then seed a new belief that better allows you to move forward from an empowered place.
I like to think of our minds as like a wagon going down a muddy road. We go down the same path (i.e., belief) so often that it becomes a rut we get stuck in. So we have to consciously pull ourselves out of the rut and set out on a new path (i.e., a new belief) to achieve different results. This can be really difficult at first. The old rut keeps pulling us back in. But if we stick to it, a new groove begins to form. Eventually, our new, more empowered belief becomes second nature, something we slide into and guides us without much effort. And when we can do that, our lives and careers set down a whole new trajectory.
Kind
Perhaps my core value in life and coaching is kindness. If all else fails in coaching, I lean on kindness. I believe that if I can cultivate a relationship where goodwill, trust, respect, empathy, and care are the norm, good things will happen. So above all else, I strive to be kind in all situations.
Sometimes being kind might be inviting you into rest, rather than endless discipline and striving. Sometimes being kind might be offering you affirmation and praise for a job well done or a powerful moment of vulnerability. Sometimes being kind might be offering you plain advice when you ask for it, even if that isn’t necessarily “good” or by-the-book coaching. And sometimes being kind might be something fiercer – being the only person in your life willing to tell you an uncomfortable truth or holding your feet to the fire when you lose focus or resolve on an important commitment.
Regardless, as your coach, I promise that kindness will always be the foundation of how I relate to you.
